THE The Sick Note
Pat Cooksey

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Dear Sir I write this note to tell you of my plight
And at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight
My body is all black and blue, and my face a deathly gray
And I write this note to say why I am not at work today

While working on the fourteenth floor, some bricks I had to clear
Now throw them down from such a height was not a good idea
The foreman wasn't very pleased, he is an awkward sod
He said I had to cart them down the ladder in me hod.

Now clearing all those bricks by hand, it was so very slow
So I hoisted up a barrel and secured the rope below
But in my haste to do the job, I was too blind to see
A barrel full of building bricks is heavier than me.

So when I then untied the rope, the barrel dropped like lead
And clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead
I shot up like a rocket till to my dismay I found
Half way up I met the bloody barrel coming down.

The barrel broke my shoulder as to the ground it sped
And when I reached the top I banged the pulley with me head
Still clinging tightly to the rope from this almighty blow
While the barrel spilled out half the bricks fourteen floors below

Now when those building bricks fell from the barrel to the floor
I then outweighed the barrel so I started down once more
Still clinging tightly to the rope my body racked with pain
When halfway down I met the bloody barrel once again

Now the force of this collision halfway down the office block
Caused multiple abrasions and a nasty case of shock
Still clinging tightly to the rope I sped towards the ground
And I landed on the broken bricks that were all ascattered round

Now as I lay there groaning I thought I'd passed the worst
But the barrel hit the pulley wheel and then the bottom burst
A shower of bricks rained down on me, I had'nt got a hope
As I lay there bleeding on the ground I let go the bloody rope.

The barrel then being heavier, it started down once more
And landed right on top of me where I lay upon the floor
It broke three ribs and my left arm, and I can only say
I hope you'll understand why I am not at work today.